“I am.” – G.Raff

I AM beautiful.

I AM whole.

I AM in love with who I am.

I AM complete and on my path.

I AM steady and make progress every day.

I AM born anew with each sunrise.

I AM living life fully and enjoying each moment.

I AM present-minded.

I AM grateful.

I AM soft on myself and forgive easily.

I let things go.

I grow with each new shade and shine of experience.

I get up early and get things done.

I prepare for a bright future.

I stay sturdy and focussed.

I listen.

I AM compassionate and kind.

I hope to always hold space in my heart for everyone I meet.

I love the beauty and the intrinsic sacredness within everything.

I hope to live on a farm someday.

I hope to grow my own food.

I hope to learn an instrument.

I hope to get better at drawing and writing.

Love, G.Raff

Image15

 

“Sixteen Years Opiate Addicted.” (the conclusion) – Samantha Mayo

I do feel a little guilt indulging in an actual street drug, but as opiates always have taken my emotional pain away, it took my guilt away too.

Over the years I have noticed that many opiate addicts are trying to numb something and speed or cocaine addict’s usually tend to feel disconnected and numb to begin with and uppers help them to feel more alive and part of the world. It’s like I’ve said for a long time heroin is my normal and without it I feel something’s missing, or wrong. And as soon as it’s in my body I feel normal, like it’s the missing piece of me. When I’ve done uppers it has sent me into debilitating anxiety, and its a horror show. I can’t breathe and I want to hid from the world. I’m horrified. I already have anxiety so being stimulated and magnifying that is not what I need.

I have a friend, however who’s drug of choice is speed and she tells me she often doesn’t feel anything. She lacks desire for life, motivation, feels disconnected and lethargic also fells something is missing from herself. When she gets speed in her then she gets inspired, energy, motivation, excitement from the world, fells a part of instead of withdrawn. She also says she doesn’t feel normal or a part of the world until sh gets her drug. She says it’s what’s missing from her with out it she doesn’t want to get out of bed.

Without my drug I can’t get out of bed. I envy other addicts who can do their drug without getting sick when they don’t have it. Even hen you want to do differently and try to get sober , you can’t. You get sick.

I need heroin now, or I’m violently sick.

samantha

“Breathe.” – G.Raff

I’m using this document to store my thoughts about my predicament and neurosis and to seek compassion in reaching for a new aspiration with a more objective and warming, welcoming approach to each present moment.

To practice bodhicitta, cultivate awareness of my surroundings, live peacefully, stay gentle as smooth sounds repels the knife that wants to slice your heart.

Keep your heart open and alive. If your emotions baffle you, let them roll on top of the river you are flowing down, imagine them just tumbling away towards a cloud fixture or something.

BREATHE. DEEP DREAM BREATH. BELIEVE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND REMEMBER WE ARE ALL. LOVE THE PLANET FOR WHO IT IS ALL BARE NAKED AND RAW AND ETCHED AND A BIT DAMAGED YET BEAUTIFUL AND WILL CONTINUE TO GROW AND BLOSSOM MORE EVIDENTLY AS WE ALL GET THERE, FIND OUR LITTLE PEDAL STRENGTH.

Pray to Light. Pray to Love. Pray to Spirit. Pray to animals out there. Point them out, still. Remember when we all played around. Thor. Ancient Bestowing Wisdom Stars Cells and Seedlems. Help the cause. Help all. Seek forgiveness and love from your surroundings and yourself. Don’t underestimate the power of kindness and the power of letting go, how much further it takes you from just repeling from it and hiding yourself away in places that don’t really fancy a little fellow monkey doodle being boon who does want to see everybody in the same light as the energy that moves us here. How to inspire those who may be shut down or hidden? How to let them know they are all here to aspire and live life with the freeing flying spirit that lives inside.

G.Raff

Image15

“Sixteen Years Opiate Addicted.” – Samantha Mayo – Maine

Coming from a crazy trauma-filled background where my parents were drug addicts and on the run from the cops.  My older sister and I were left in another country and sexually abused, sold, tortured, neglected, abandoned, confused.  I grew up scared – and on high alert always, waiting for the next chaotic situation – for the lights to get cut off or the eviction notice to be on the door, or a drunken fight between adults –  some crazy situation always was a few shots of Captain Morgan’s away or there was the fighting over drugs and waking up eating cereal at the table with my mom at the other end cooking up some crack cocaine and some random person crawling around on the floor feening for drugs and trying to find something that might have been dropped.  Maybe someone was paranoid peeking out the window for cops that were not there and asking us kids to go out side and check.  It has even gotten so extreme that people have had knives or guns in hand ready for someone to bust in when there was really no one there but they were so high there was no reasoning with them.

(To be continued.)

Samantha

samantha

Dear Spirit – G.Raff

Dear Spirit,

Please may I be given the right resources in order to prepare me for the purpose I wish to serve.

What do I wish to serve?

Humanity.

How do I percieve from the heart?

Feel the part of myself that needs healing, and find ways to come to closure with it.

I need to forgive myself.  About hurting my family, hurting myself, not speaking the truth, not listening to my heart and neglecting my body’s needs.

Spirit, thank you for the blessed day, thank you for the love.  Please help me understand what I need to take care of myself.

G.Raff

IMG_20150205_213124

Welcome Sign up to start posting It’s easy…

Welcome! Sign up to start posting! It’s easy and fast.

Use this board to complain about life, to rant about the injustice in the world, to shoutout to members or to request help from a circle leader. This is a great way to maintain anonymous status as well, as I know many of you have very sensitive issues. In the meantime, we will look for a way for anonyminity without logging in.

Ready to write something? Great!